the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
