Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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