I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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