Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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