well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no, he came in my armpit
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize