shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
