and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
