hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
