Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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