Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
