My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
