he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I need a burrito and a hug.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
