thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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