I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
