He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
operation have a gay friend backfired
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
