I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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