Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
