I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
