this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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