mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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