Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
