I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
