and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
