Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
