Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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