The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
