I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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