And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
