he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
