im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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