I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
