I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
