When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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