i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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