if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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