She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
