Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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