Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
