Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
