She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
