That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
