I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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