Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize