I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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