You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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