oh god the rape fog is back!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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