does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
