went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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