i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
