i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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