i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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