Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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