the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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