tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
