I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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