I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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