so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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