haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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