i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize