he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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