last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize