Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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