On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
