Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
