I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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