apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
