oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
