I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
