I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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