I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
