What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
