Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
