But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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