I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
