My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
