I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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