You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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