Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize