"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
