im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
