so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
being pregnant is like rehab
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
