i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
either way he was missing a nipple.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
