i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
worst night to have a conscience
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
