One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
