I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize