Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
