why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
