all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
