I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
