Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
