my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sober January is a disaster.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
