Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
