Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
