Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize