i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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