thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
