Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
