Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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