I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you win again, gameday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
