I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize