Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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