yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
